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Monday, April 27, 2009

in paranoid

i m so scare..
dunno what to do..
discover the problem..
but dunno whether i suppose to correct it or not..
if doing correction..
all other parts will be affected..
if making changes..
scare being discovered..
might have bad consequences..
supposedly i can just ignore it..
yet i was given extra time..
so i shouldn't just be blind..
i shouldn't just keep quiet..

what am i suppose to do..
should i take the risk..
in fact..
if no need to face back the thing later..
to be frank..
i will take the risk..
yes i will..

but i have to face this stupid annoying troublesome thing again..
this thing is burdening me now..
lost direction..
paranoid..
fear..
insecure..

i am just a little ordinary human..
why must keep on testing me..
no doubt..
i will do bad things..
i admit..
no doubt..
i will cheat..
i admit..
no doubt..
i will lie..
i admit..
but i don't wan to feel guilty..

i nearly can't cope with the fear and the stress..
the fear of being discovered..
the stress of getting low marks..
can i pass it safely without being noticed..
i pray..
this is the only thing that i can do..
pray hard to the god..
only Y.O.U can help me go through with all of these..

searching for the feeling of secure now..
i need to clam down..
i can't be so panic now..
i need to find someone to chat with me..
mum..
i wish to phone to you to hear your voice..
bro..
how good is it if you able to be my side now..
cos you able to make me smile..
make me feel relief..
dad..
i know no matter what happen on me..
you all will support me..

yes..
the valueless treasure that i have..
is my lovely family..
my dad..my mum..my bro..
you all shower me with deepest care..
i am being protected by you all..
make sure i was not being hurt..
even i felt down..
i am able to stand back again..
because i have you all to accompany me to walk towards the end..

the world is still beautiful..
i am able to see the rainbow..
as long as i believe..
yes..
i will..
and i sure can..

happy goes lucky..
smile, JIN..

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